Castle of cards
by Sara Nublas
Summary: A beautiful stranger, a long time friend, and a compromising situation. Emily finds herself in a castle of card where some of the people she cares about more, might be in jeopardy.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N**: this story is __somehow a challenge for me, I'm testing my boundaries and I hope I won't disappoint you.  
>I owe Nix1978 a huge thank you for betareading, providing emotional support and being the amazing friend she is :)<br>Please R&R!_

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><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

The room is silent and dark; a lamp on the bedside table sheds a faint halo of light, that has the only effect of increasing Emily's nervous feeling. She's sitting on the edge of a king sized bed, her hands cringing at the blanket, her foot tapping on the carpet.

She raises her gaze as the door in front of her opens and a dark skinned, athletic man comes out of the steaming bathroom, naked and well aware of her eyes traveling all over his body.

She stares at him expectantly, in silence, without moving. Eventually she gives up the hope that he will start the conversation first and spills out her words, despondently, "At least you could have warned me you knew each other, Marcus."

The man finally turns to meet her eyes as he lazily brushes his chest with a towel, conscious of how much she usually enjoys the show. A smirk appears on his face as he feigns stupor at her comment "How could I know you and Derek Morgan are actually colleagues? All I knew is that he works at the FBI. As far as I'm concerned it's the equivalent of saying you two are both accountants. What would be the chance of you working on the same team?"

In response she arches an eyebrow and cocks her head to the side, displaying her reluctance to second his playing dumb.

"So is that why you're so incensed?" he carelessly chuckles, wrapping a towel around his waist and walking toward the bed.

Emily gapes at him, uncertain whether she's more pissed for the stunt he just pulled at her or for his nonchalance about the whole situation, "Yes, Marcus. That's why I'm so _incensed._"

He sits down beside her, his face serious now, "Honestly, Em. What did you expect me to do?"

"Tell me that one of my colleagues is a friend of yours to begin with!" she almost screams and starts pacing around the room.

He extends his arms to his sides and lazily stretches his legs, as he looks amused at her walking up and down his bedroom. Then they stare at each other for a long moment. Marcus, half naked, calmly seated on the bed, and Emily fully dressed and standing across from him.

"And how would it have that changed things between us?" At his question her demanding gaze falters and she crosses her arms on her chest defensively.

"Ohhh, that's it. Now I get it…" Marcus doesn't lose his smile, even though Emily doesn't fail to detect the bitterness in his eyes.

"What?" all the annoyance gone, her voice a choke of uncertainty.

"This isn't just about one of your colleagues knowing me. This is about you, fearing he could know the nature of our relationship…"

"Oh please, you know it's not about that…"

"Do you think it's so immoral to be in an open relationship that you have to hide it? Your colleagues didn't seem such puritans to me and I don't see how the way you spend your free time is any of their business" the calmer he is the more the frustration builds up in Emily.

"Or is it about _Derek_ knowing what we do?" He goes on probing.

"No!" the way Marcus said his name is like a slap to her face, and she regrets being exposed so easily as her cheeks flush.

"Because if so, I assure you, Derek Morgan is the last person who has any right to judge the morality of your sexual habits…" He proceeds calmly, aware of how his words are exacerbating the tension.

Emily looks at him, seething, her chest raising and falling faster and faster, "you're an ass," she growls as she moves toward him and kisses him angrily and demanding.

Marcus deftly turns her and pins her body on the bed; he matches her eagerness as he gets rid of her clothes. He plays rough and fills her possessively, the way he knows she likes, the way she wants him tonight. He drives her to the edge, repeatedly, selflessly, taking care of not leaving any of her desires unsatisfied, providing her pleasure many, many times.

Later as they lay in bed, content and recovering, he looks at Emily with a satisfied grin. Her face, her whole body are now relaxed; the tension and the angst washed away. The way her hair falls on her cheek, her lively glance, her provocative grin; he's very proud of how his lovemaking always succeeds in rescuing her from the darkest places.

"You know, our reasons to be in an open relationship are very different," he speaks, his voice deep and raucous.

Emily looks at him with curiosity, so he explains further, "I'm a single man. I don't want to settle down nor can I accept the idea of giving pleasure to just one woman at a time. And I do not have the illusion to find all I want in just one woman either."

Emily chuckles at the easiness of his narcissistic admission, then she looks at him intently, silently inviting him to proceed.

"Many other women would find this… solution, humiliating and alienating. For you, instead, it's a matter of efficiency. I don't expect anything from you, because I can find in other women what you cannot give me. I don't try to change you or to solve the rebus you are. And when you don't want company, I'm not short of alternatives and I won't cry on your doormat like a lost puppy..."

Emily smiles bitterly and turns on her side, "Wow, you sound like a professional…" she mocks, her voice as velvet, indulging the allusion.

Marcus pauses, then he gets serious and spills what's been bothering him since the previous night, "I like you Emily, a lot. We have fun together and you are a hell of a woman. We don't care about our other partners, and that's the agreement. But if you intend to bring Derek Morgan into the game, I'm afraid I will have to back off."  
>Emily arches her eyebrows and is about to say something, but Marcus stops her, "I know Derek well enough. He's not the sharing type when it comes to relationships and I don't intend to start a fight with him over a woman. It would be just ugly. For all of us."<p>

"Marcus," Emily eventually has her say, "why on earth would I want to be with Morgan?" she stutters defensively.

"Because I saw the way you two look at each other, Emily. It's blatantly obvious, and at some point you will have to give this steam a way out."

Emily stares back at him, loss at words and dumbfounded; she silently thanks the timing of her phone ringing, "It's a case. I've gotta go…" she mutters confusedly.

Marcus shrugs and looks at her with a faint smile as she walks out of the door.

Emily has spent years either looking for a decent relationship, or for a way out of a decent relationship. She can't explain why sometimes she feels so hollow and lonely that she's afraid she will disappear; as much as she can't explain why other times she wants to be hollow and lonely so that she can disappear. It just happens. Last thing she wants is to justify it to an expectant, dull faced, clueless partner, who looks at her as if she was an alien. She doesn't want to justify her dwindling between moments of lovely and sparkling companionship and others of evasive darkness. She doesn't want to explain that after chasing a serial rapist and being in his mind for a week, she's not up for naughty sex. She doesn't want to explain all this because if she did, they would be horrified or worse, they would feel compelled to provide her with some fathering. And god forbid it, this is the last thing she needs.

Marcus is the perfect solution to the problem. He's caring, funny, intelligent, and he's not 100% invested on her. But most importantly, he doesn't ask questions. If she wants him, she knows he will be there, to listen, to spend the night, or just to fuck her so hard that she would forget what year it is. But if she doesn't, he won't start freaking out, he won't worry and he won't try to figure her out.

They both know there's nobody else in Emily's life; not because she's short of available candidates, but because if Marcus seeks constant attention, Emily wants to be freed from it.

To cut it short, they fit perfectly. At least she thought so until the previous night, when Derek Morgan showed up in the same bar where Emily and Marcus were having their date.

**oooOOOooo**

As the jet of water starts flowing, Emily lets the water run down her naked body, hoping the shower is going to shed some clarity on her thoughts. If she's honest, she has to admit that her relationship with Marcus runs over a thin, dangerous line. It's mainly sex, but not just yet. There's something about the way he touches her, the way he dives into her, that transcends the mere physical act. It's their secret code of communication. Marcus always knows how to make love to her, if it has to be rough and hard or slow and sweet, if he can stay through the night or if he he'd better leave her alone. There something in her expression, in her gestures that somehow cues him, without the need of a spoken word. She doesn't know what prompted this special channel of communication between them and where he learned to be so perceptive with women. She doesn't even know if he pulls this trick with every woman or just with her. What she knows is that by now she has come to rely on Marcus as an assumed and undeniable need, and if he wasn't there when she wanted him, she would go crazy. She doesn't know what to call this thing they have, but she definitely knows it's dangerous.

Emily wraps her towel around her body and walks in her bedroom, picking the clothes to throw in her bag. She can't stop thinking about what Marcus said about Derek. Deep down, she can't deny that there is a certain number of traits shared by the two men; both dark skinned, athletic, sturdy physicality, a magnetic gaze and a certain way around women.

On one hand Derek knows her much better than Marcus. Compartmentalizing skills or not, there's a lot about a person that leaks out in such an up-close perspective, especially given their job; and Derek is an extremely observant person that rarely misses a hit. How he can sometimes read her in depth, despite her camouflaging attempts, is unsettling.

The way Marcus knows her though, transcends the need of words; exposing herself with him comes easily, because it doesn't bear consequences or backfiring.

There are some frailties she can't afford to bare with the man who has her back on the job daily, and whose life she feels responsible for. She drew that line a while ago, after learning the lesson the hard way.

She has managed to keep this two parts of her life apart from each other, but since Derek came into play as a common acquaintance, painful memories came back into her life and now she feels trapped in a precarious castle of cards. The worse part is that she fears this is just the beginning.


	2. Chapter 2

_Thanks to everybody who alerted_,_ favorited and reviewed the previous chapter! It made me smile through the day... Please let me know what you think, R&R :)  
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><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>

_The atmosphere in the bar is quiet and cozy. Candlelight, low volume music, and a tinkling sound of glasses create a relaxed intimacy. Emily gives a careful look at the details; the candles kept in old wine bottles, the bare brick walls, the old whiskey barrels used as tables, are the result of a careful footprint of the owner and not just an anonymous, cold combination of expensive furniture._

_She's really grateful to Marcus for being able to guess her taste so spot on and for always managing to make her feel the focus of his attention. She needed so much such a relaxing night, away from paperwork, unsubs, team meetings. She hums the tune of a song that discretely fills the air and lets a smile linger on her lips as she entwines her hand with his. She tells him about her week and how she would like to take a few days off to go somewhere far and quiet; he starts numbering a list of exotic places where he would like to take her. They go on this way for a while, both giggling and sipping wine. When she decides they've been playing long enough and it's time to move the evening to somewhere more private she leans closer, flirtatiously whispering something to his ear; he smiles at her words and lets his voracious gaze travel over her body. But in the very moment Emily is about to get up, she finds herself faced with some unexpected, familiar faces and her heart skips a beat._

_She sees the same frozen, perplexed expression on the faces of her colleagues, as they walk toward their table and recognize her._

_Just as Emily thinks that the situation cannot get any more awkward, a joyous "Hey Derek, my man!" rises from her side, as Marcus stands up and goes to greet a surprised Morgan._

A light turbulence shakes the jet, waking Emily from her shallow sleep. The case has been weird and brief, but somehow exhausting. At least the work provided a temporary distraction from her inner turmoil; she chuckles thinking of the way she just addressed three days spent profiling and hunting down a sadist on a killing spree. How damaged she must be to find such a gruesome job preferable to a calm, predictable life and a stable relationship?

She looks around and notices that everyone is either sleeping or engaged in other activities. Luckily the team has been quiet about Marcus, and aside from some spicy comments from Garcia, Emily hasn't received the interrogation she expected. Not yet at least. She knows it's just a matter of time before a certain technician nails her with a thousand questions. Probably by now Garcia has rummaged through every possible record and gathered more knowledge on Marcus than Emily herself.

Derek, on the other hand, has given her the cold shoulder for the entire case and, aside from strictly professional interactions, he barely spoke a word to her, which on her book is not a good sign.

Emily, despite a weird feeling at the pit of her stomach, tries to catch some more sleep and soon dozes off again.

"_What…What are you doing here?" Emily has to watch her tone, not to let the astonished colleagues detect the annoyance in her voice. She feels like if she has just been caught red handed while doing something secret and objectionable. She knows that she's not doing anything wrong and she has the right to be on a date, as much as her teammates have every right to have a drink in the same bar she's in with her dissolute partner. Nonetheless it seems as if the last outpost of her privacy has just been ripped apart and thrown to the sharks._

"_Derek told us about this place," Garcia stutters unable to keep a mischievous smile from lighting her face, "Natalie organized a party here and recommended it as a quiet but easy going place to go for a drink…"_

_Reading the unease on Emily's face, and the entertainment in Garcia's voice, Rossi tries to deflect the attention from her "It seems there are no free tables though, so we may go somewhere else and leave you two with some privacy…"_

"_Please join us," Marcus immediately invites the group, leaving the team uncertain on what to do and Emily totally speechless._

"_Of course… please. We were just about to order a second round of drinks," she haphazardly adds, realizing the embarrassingly long silence she let hanging between Marcus' invite and her friends' hesitant looks._

_The atmosphere relaxes a bit as they gather some more chairs and the alcohol warms up the cold start. Sipping the ruby drink, Emily can't help thinking what a coincidence it is that Natalie, Derek's girlfriend, recommended this place and Marcus took her here. But this is the last of a series of oddities for one night and her reflections are soon swept away by the conversation with JJ and Garcia._

When they arrive to Quantico, Emily's suspicions are confirmed as she finds a smirking Garcia waiting for her at the elevator's doors and ready for the interrogation.

The brunette chuckles shaking her head, and tries to dribble Penelope, who immediately starts trotting behind her.

"Okay, fine. You can avoid me if you like, but this doesn't mean I don't have alternative sources" the technician resolves in a resolute smile as she follows an uncooperative Emily.

"Derek, what can you tell us about your friend Marcus?" Emily freezes as Garcia enquires the other profiler.

He looks at her distractedly, "What do you want to know?" he asks unenthusiastically.

"I don't know… some juicy details, if we should worry or start preparing a hen party…" she pushes, a bit thrown off by the absence of the usual banter with her accomplice, but determined to get an answer to her curiosity.

Derek chuckles sarcastically, "Marcus getting married…" he continues to look ahead, a edge of bitterness in his words, "I think that's less probable than a polar bear walking into the BAU," he eyes Emily briefly and she could swear it's resentment that she sees darting through his face.

"As for Prentiss, she's grown up enough to select her company and deal with the consequences of her choices," he doesn't add anything else as he leaves the group heading toward his office without a further word.

Penelope is left standing in the alley, baffled and mortified, as an equally dumbfounded JJ offers her a consolatory look.

Emily is furious with Derek for his unmotivated rudeness, but also mortified because she feels that he downloaded his frustration on the only person who doesn't deserve it.

She turns around with a sympathetic expression and takes a step toward Penelope, "Who said that men don't suffer from PMS?" she tries to lighten the mood, earning a chuckle from her blonde colleagues.

Then she turns serious, "Listen, between me and Marcus is complicated. I avoided your questions because I probably wouldn't be able to answer any of them. We met three months ago, in a bakery late at night and we fought over the last piece of cake. We had coffee, then dinner, then drinks and here we are," Emily tries to keep her story as dry and low key as possible, but she can see little throbbing hearts floating around her friends' heads, "Marcus is not about commitment, and neither am I. We're just living this by the day, without projects or expectations, and for the moment we're happy this way."

Garcia and JJ sober up from their romantic moment, they would love to say many things, but they understand the uneasiness of their friend, so they nod silently and gratefully, knowing the effort she has made to share this last piece of privacy she was jealously keeping to herself.

Emily, on her side, is really grateful for the lack of further questions, and she turns around determined in going back home and diving into a bubble bath.

_Once in the car, on their way back home, Emily is trying hard to keep her wits. She knows she's overreacting. The night was pleasant and everybody seemed to have a great time; of course her plan for an intimate dinner and a night with Marcus, have been spoiled, but it's not a tragedy. She goes on talking herself into a positive mood, hoping she can get over with her disappointment and save the rest of the night with her date. _

"_I know that hanging out with your colleagues is not exactly what we agreed, Emily," Marcus second guesses her thoughts, and she tries to feign a cool, unbothered expression, "but then what's the fun in making rules if not in breaking them?" he smirks suggestively at her, and Emily can't help reciprocating the smile._

"_I like Penelope," he carries on, "she's a funny cookie; sparkling, naïve and candid, but also smart and determined. Not an easy combination to find, you're lucky with the friends you have… And that Rossi! Is there anything that man misses? He seems to sees everything that needs to be seen. Remind me never to argue with him, nor to invite him to a poker game. Him and the genius at his side," he chuckles._

_Emily can't help feeling her tension deflate when she sees how genuinely amused and happy Marcus is. For some reason she has never pictured him as a social character, but apparently he truly enjoyed the company tonight. Silently she hopes this intersection between him and her colleagues is a one-time occasion, she feels like sitting on Pandora's box at the only idea, but she doesn't want to curb his enthusiasm at the moment._

Emily loses her smile when she sees Morgan joining her, in front of the elevator. After a moment spent attempting indifference, she decides to have her say, "you could have saved your comment on Marcus before, you know that?"

He waits until they are alone in the elevator to answer, when he does his voice is cold and detached " I meant it. I know Marcus well enough and I know that you've signed yourself up for trouble."

"Maybe. But that's none of your business," she replies equally flat, not letting his dismissive attitude fuel her.

"It's my business if you're putting yourself in a very uncomfortable situation that could compromise your functioning at work," he attempts a patronizing tone that only manages to upset her even more.

"You acting like a jerk could compromise my functioning at work," she spits right back.

"He's not right for you, Emily. He will use you and throw you away, and he doesn't know you like..." he freezes, his chest heaving heavily.

"Like what? Like you do?" Emily is seething, struggling to keep her composure, his words are like a lash on her face, "Because, if this is where you're heading, then I might remind you that you willingly lost any right to judge my private life after Philadelphia. And as far as I remember it's not me you chose to be concerned about."

"What does it have to do with Marcus now?" he takes a step toward her; worry, greed and hurt clouding his face.

Emily swallows; now her rage is boiling down and she regrets having brought up Philadelphia. As the elevator stops, she flees out of the doors, ignoring Morgan repeatedly calling her back.

What if Marcus was right? What if this all was just a pathetic attempt she made to run away from the real problem?

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><p><em>AN: just a note, work is being crazy, so my updates might be delayed, but I promise I'll do my best not to leave you hanging too long :)_


	3. Chapter 3

_Thank_ _you so much for the lovely reviews you left me, for alerting and reading! I hope you like this chapter as well! :) Please R&R!_

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><p><strong>Chapter 3<strong>

When Derek enters the gym and eyes Marcus lifting a barbell, he considers turning on his heels and leaving. He has come especially to steam off the stress of the week and his argument with Prentiss, of which Marcus was the main cause. He still doesn't know why he overreacted in such a way, but he certainly doesn't want to think over it during his free time.

As he mulls over his alternatives, he notices that Marcus is exchanging some overfriendly looks with a woman stretching nearby; she's taking special care to expose her shapes, and he's fully enjoying the view. A pang of rage surges immediately to Derek's stomach; this is what he meant when he tried to warn Prentiss, this is the kind of guy she's dating. A inner voice is suggesting him to mind his own business and leave, _'__it__'__s __not __me __you__ chose__ to __be__ concerned __about__'_ her last scalding words, before she ran away without any explanation, still ring loud and clear in his ears, reminding him he should sit this one out. At the same time his protective nature is drawing him in; he wants to understand which game Marcus is playing, what's the deal between him and Emily and why she's with him? He shoves away all the valuable reasons why he shouldn't go down this path, starting from the fact that he himself has a girlfriend who hasn't seen him in two weeks, that there is definitely something more than a friendly concern in his intentions toward Emily, and that with his attitude he's potentially jeopardizing two friendships. He walks toward the man, whom until a few days ago he used to call a friend and now regards with grudge and distrust, until he comes to stand right in front of him.

_Washington is filled with a dreamlike haze and everything is surreally silent. The traffic lights change colors painstakingly for an invisible crowd of cars. Emily laughs internally when she realizes she's standing by the side the desert road, in the utter silence of the sleeping city, waiting for her turn to pass. Considering how the past twenty-four hours unraveled for her though, she wouldn't be surprised if a bus came out of nowhere and run her over while she was daring to cross the street with the red light._

_She doesn't usually wander around at night, alone, in the freezing city. But sometimes she finds it incredibly meditative, especially when she cannot catch sleep, like tonight. She takes long, regular strides, without hurry, throwing a glance at the windows of the shops she never has the chance to visit; until she finally stops in front of her destination._

'_Madame Bovary' is a small, cozy shop that means simply Eden for her. The business is run by a guy named Jacques, half French and half Italian. She has always wondered why a patisserie goes through the nightmare of keeping open 24 hours a day; when she inquired Jacques about that, he answered almost resented that he could never constrain within time boundaries the option of giving relief to the troubled souls, plus the nocturnal clients are much more interesting than the diurnal ones._

_As she walks in, the inebriating smell of chocolate, coffee, cinnamon, ginger and nutmeg, gives her goose bump and a familiar shiver travels down her spine as she's welcomed by the comforting warmth of the place. She takes the time to look at all the beautiful creations displayed on the trays, even though she knows already what she's going to pick. As she feels her mouth watering though, a velvet voice coming from behind her shoulders, breaks the charm and orders "A slice of chocolate cake, please"._

_Emily looks with horror as the last slice of her choice is picked up and given to a stranger and she immediately turns, the only word she's able to utter is a choked, desperate syllable is "No!"_

_The unaware thief freezes, baffled and surprised by the desperation in her tone and the stagger on her face. The familiar features she immediately finds in his face and his composure produce an equal surprise in her. But as an amused smile starts appearing on the face of the stranger, she feels as if a dagger was just plunged in her heart._

"Hey there!" Marcus' smile lightens his face as he greets Derek, "Welcome back! How did the case go?"

"We caught the bad guy," Derek does his best to keep the venom from surging in his words, "But Emily must have already told you everything, right?"

"We don't necessarily talk everyday, and when we talk it's mostly not about work," Marcus keeps his smile on, ignoring Derek's accusatory tone.

"Well, for someone like Emily the job represents a significant portion of life. Difficult to know who she really is if you leave that out of the equation…"

"Maybe that's the very reason why we work out together. With me she can have the luxury of leaving out the job and still feeling whole," Marcus' expression is still calm, but in his tone there's the unmistakable determination in not letting Derek tell him how he should deal with his personal life.

"Okay, if you say so…" Derek dismissively raises his arms, jealousy and guilt tormenting him.

Eventually Marcus lets the bar down and faces the other man, "Look Derek, I know that Emily is a friend of yours and you care about her; and I know that I'm not exactly the gentleman of the year," he lays down his cards, frankly staring in his friend's eyes, "but I promise you, I'm not trying to play her. Emily and I have been completely honest with each other about the terms of our relationship; you don't have to worry."

Derek has to back off in front of such a well-played game. Marcus reassured him about the stability of his bond with Emily, but he also marked his territory, kindly inviting him to stay out of it.

"Unless…" the man's voice catches Derek attention again.

"Unless what?"

"Unless there's something between the two of you and I'm standing right in the middle of it," Marcus completes his thread of thought, "in that case I would never do anything that keeps Emily from being happy."

"No. Obviously not," Derek almost sighs, "I'm sorry, Marcus. I didn't mean to sound intruding…"

"It's ok, man. Emily is lucky to have such caring friends."

Double strike, again Derek has to admit that he's out of his territory. He's a taken man, stiffing his nose in another relationship between two of his friends. They seemed happy together the other night, and he should be happy for them, instead of being cocky and playing sheriff with Marcus. He feels guilty and childish for the interrogation he brought on, and tries to make the atmosphere more relaxed, "So how did you two meet?"

Marcus chuckles, "ah, we fought over the last slice of a chocolate cake."

_As soon as the words leave Emily's mouth, she realizes how over-dramatic and childish she must have sounded to the man standing in front of her._

_He stares down at her, speechless and wide-eyed for a minute, then he relaxes his features in a smile "Wow, this might be a hell of a cake. Now the dilemma is, being a gentleman and leave you the last slice, or giving up to the curiosity and taste it?"_

_Emily hints a coy, exhausted smile, "I'm sorry. I just had a couple of horrible days. Please have the cake, you'll love it," she backs off and moves toward the entrance._

"_Maybe there's something else that can make up for this," he apologetically gestures toward the vast display of choices behind the window._

_She smirks, taking a step toward him, "I'm sure they are all amazing. But there's a reason why there's only one slice left of that one," she points the paper box he carefully holds in his hand._

_He nods pensively, "my mother used to say that food is one of the best pleasures in life, but there's something that is even better…"_

"_What?" she can't help a smile of curiosity._

"_Sharing it with good company," he smirks, extending the package toward her._

"_You want to share the last slice of cake with a stranger?" she inquires dumbfounded._

"_I'm offering it to you, and leaving you the choice."_

_Emily always picks that chocolate cake, she always eats it alone, at home, with the only company of some good wine and an old movie. It's her special ritual for the bad days. This time though it seems like a good occasion to try something new, for a change. It's hard to believe that things can become worse than they already are, anyway._

_She moves over to a small table in a corner, "Jacques, deux tasses de chocolat chaude, s'il vous plait "she orders to the owner, who witnessed unruffled the exchange between her and the stranger._

"_Wow, either you have chocolate running through your veins or you really had a horrible day," the man chuckles, sitting across from her._

"_I'm Emily," she extends a hand, dodging his question._

"_Marcus. Delighted to meet you."_

_The moment he gives her that smile, Emily has the uncomfortable feeling that more than going for a change, she's running in circles and falling back into an old pattern that proved a colossal mistake. But it's late in the night and a kind dashing stranger just offered her company and a half of his cake. You don't turn down a good Samaritan, do you?_

"_So," he speaks after few minutes of silence, spent enjoying the bliss of warm chocolate and the thick, rich texture of the cake, "this last couple of days… what was so terrible about it?"_

_Emily lets her fork down and accurately chooses her words, "Troubles at work, a very complicated situation with a… a dear friend, crappy hotel, crappy town," she looks at him and for a moment she seems a lost little girl in the body of a strong, resolute, beautiful woman. He likes her more and more by the minute._

"_Well, I'm sure that the troubles on the job and with your friend will be solved, and now you are back, so forget about the crappy city and the lousy hotel," he offers reassuringly._

_Emily doesn't know what's special about his words, but she can't help believing him. _

_Maybe it's his deep, husky voice, maybe the way he looks at her, that manages to make her feel special, beautiful and desired - and god knows how badly she needs it- but she feels warmth and comfort and she hopes for this moments to last a little longer. _

"_Which city was that, by the way?" Marcus asks then._

Derek chuckles at Marcus's story, this is so typical of Emily: kick ass profiler during the day, softhearted chocolate maniac during the night. He can picture her absolutely irrational reaction for such a childish situation, even being aware that she can negotiates a stand off with a serial killer without even flinching.

That's the extraordinary woman that Emily Prentiss is, and with a pang of regret he starts realizing that Marcus too is well aware of how special the woman is.

Before Marcus goes away, Derek can't help the curiosity "What was the horrible city she was coming back from, anyway?" he asks still smiling at the thought of Emily and her secret chocolate dealer.

"Philadelphia," as Marcus says the name, he can see his friend's face morphing; hurt, grudge and jealousy drawing a mask on his face.

Derek goes silent and staggers, like if somebody just punched him in the stomach, "Philadelphia" he whispers pensively, then he sees the worry and suspicion in Marcus' stare, "Congratulations man," he grumbles in surrender before leaving with heavy steps.

Marcus is left to think, the pieces of a puzzle he's always known and never wanted to put together are slowly forming a picture he reluctantly has to look at.

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><p><em>I know I'm keeping you on pins and needles about Philadelphia... Please be patient! I promise everything will be explained :)<em>


	4. Chapter 4

_Thanks a lot to all those who left comments and reviews! I'm having a lot of doubts and problems with this story and your feedback is really precious to me! :) Please keep the reviews coming!_

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><p><strong>Chapter 4<strong>

Emily is trying to keep herself busy with all the possible house chores she's unable to oblige when she's out on a case: laundry, ironing, cleaning the kitchen, tidying the house, fumbling through newspapers and mail. It's not that she needs to, but it's the only way she's managing to keep her inner turmoil at guard. When Marcus called her and asked if he could come by, she immediately had the feeling that something was wrong.

Marcus never comes by on Saturday afternoons; he's out with his buddies or at the gym at that time. Frankly Marcus never asks if he can come by, he calls and says something like "I was thinking of swinging by" or "What's the plan?" He never says "Can I come?"

Emily tries to convince herself that it's just a product of her imagination, because since she had her argument with Derek, old memories had been recalled and she's been overreacting to nearly everything. Yet, she can't help feeling that something's off with Marcus, and the simple idea to have him out of her life now is not an option she's ready to consider.

**oooOOOooo**

"So, I told him: 'Fine sir, either you accept to deal with a woman as capable and determinate as you are, or you can go and find another estate agent'…" Natalie's voice comes to Derek's ears as a distant, muffled background noise as she relays to him the events of the past two weeks.

Natalie is a young, ambitious, estate agent; she met Derek while he was trying to place one of his renovated properties on the market. She worked for him once and did a beautiful job; but when he took her out for dinner as a thank you, they decided to break their working partnership in favor of a more private and enjoyable one.

During the first months of their relationship, Natalie has been fresh air for Derek. It was great to have in his life somebody who was not a profiler, not connected to the job and actually incapable of hearing about mutilated bodies or unsub's m.o. without cringing. She used to make him feel connected to that kind of normal, ordinary life he sometimes wished for. And this was terribly good. Also the fact that she's a beautiful woman didn't hurt. Soon though, a gulf started forming between them; Natalie stopped being his connection to normality and turned into an unfamiliar stranger. Derek knows that her perspective of good and bad looks starkly different from his; he also knows that his old self would have been crazy about her. Yet every time she complains about annoying clients and failed deals or she plans a holiday at a resort in some exotic place, he can't help feeling distant and uninterested. He has wondered so many times if she feels the same as he does; if she feels like she's just playing pretend with a bored stranger.

It would have been easy and sensible to end it months ago; he had his speech ready back then, on his way back from Philadelphia. Thinking back to that day, it feels unreal how a simple phone call triggered a domino of untimely events that unraveled his plan and pretty much his whole life.

Morgan, realizing Natalie has stopped speaking, raises his gaze to meet hers. She's staring at him, hand under her chin, lips arched in annoyance, eyebrows raised "Wow, am I that boring?" she dryly shoots, "I mean, I totally get it," She reprises, without leaving him the time to answer, "You have a stressful job, crazy hours, all those freaks you analyze each day. But I have problems too! You haven't seen me in two weeks, and all you manage to do is doze off while I talk to you?"

As she speaks, he notices that she taps her heels on the marble floor in sync with her words. He remembers she was doing the same exact thing months before, while she was talking to him about adult decisions, responsibilities, and commitment. While she was anchoring him to her. While he was realizing he would have broken Emily's heart.

**oooOOOooo**

When finally Marcus shows up at her door, there's no rage or resent on his face, but Emily can see clearly that something is clouding his thoughts. He kisses her softly on her forehead, and the affection in that simple gesture worries her further, "I just met Derek at the gym," he starts as he plops down on her sofa.

Emily feels her blood freezing in her veins, a number of conjectures running through her mind; did they argue? Did they talk about her? How much did they share?

"Really…" she feigns a marginal interest to his words and she sits across from him.

"I think he's worried about you… I guess it's because I'm not exactly mister Right and he's afraid I'm going to hurt you."

"What did you tell him?" Emily is not exactly surprised; this conversation was going to happen at some point, given that the two are friends, and Morgan never gives up his protective instinct.

"Don't worry. I didn't give away any detail that might make you uncomfortable. I just told him that we've been perfectly honest with each other and that I'm not trying to play you," Marcus reassures, observing the way she picks at her nails and dodges eye contact.

Emily nods pensively, "And was that enough for him? Did he back off?"

"Well, Derek is not the only territorial male in town, Em. I said I was going to back off if you decided to start something with Derek, but this doesn't mean that I don't care about you or that I'm happy when a friend of mine questions my relationship with you."

Emily's hand twitches a bit and her eyes widen as she ears the word 'relationship'. Of course she's aware of what's going on between her and Marcus; they've been seeing each other for a while now, but they never cared to give a name to what they are doing. To say it out loud and acknowledge it sounds a bit weird. She looks up back to Marcus as she hears him giggling.

"I'm sorry," he tries to sober up, "but your face is priceless. You reacted at the dreadful word 'relationship' as if I told you I had cancer," Marcus is now used to Emily's reactions and he's not fazed by that because it's the exact way he would behave if he were on the receiving end of this conversation.

She chuckles and eases up a bit, with a smile, "Sorry, I'm just a bit tired. But I'm really happy that you and Derek are good. I don't want to stand in the middle of your friendship."

**oooOOOooo**

"I'm sorry Natalie, I had a really intense week and I'm worried for a colleague of mine, Emily. I think you met her once…"

"Emily, Emily, Emily…. Ah! The brunette chick! Amazing eye lashes, nice presence," she distractedly recalls, "definitely hasn't got a great taste in clothing… Unless she doesn't want to stay single for the rest of her life she should care more about her image," she casually drops while texting on her blackberry.

Derek swallows the answer forming on his lips at that comment and carries on "Well she has a boyfriend now…"

" Oh, does she? Good! I have to say I didn't like the way she looked at you the night I met her and your team. Fortunately in the FBI you have this no dating among colleagues rule, otherwise I wouldn't be so happy knowing that you are surrounded by all those women every day…" she giggles, returning her attention to her phone as it beeps again.

Seeing how more invested she is on her phone than on him he chuckles bitterly, "Said the woman who loves her blackberry more than me..."

"When was the last time I saw her, anyway?" Natalie carries on without paying attention to his answer, "ah, got it! It was after you all came back from Philadelphia."

Again the name makes Derek cringe; all of a sudden it's like if the memory of those days has never left him, despite all his attempts to bury it.

"Yeah, it was after Philadelphia," he says, his voice low and raucous, "we all met for a drink after the case and you came along because you needed to talk..."

"That was one of the most depressing nights ever," she chirps nonchalantly, "no offense, but you all looked like zombies, and Emily especially was a wreck… What the hell happened down there?"

Derek stares at her baffled, apparently she has no recollection of that day, of why she went to see him at that bar, of how she turned his resolution upside down in a matter of seconds. His look morphs from hurt, to rage, to urgency, "I made a choice and someone had to pay for the consequences," his answer coming from a remote place in his mind.

Natalie for a moment stops texting; uncertainty is darting through her face, just one second before she puts the façade back together. Just one second, but enough for Derek to notice the change in her manners. Slowly, fragments of conversations, hidden looks, small inconsistencies come to his mind, all together leading him to a pretty unmistakable conclusion. He's always known that Natalie can be persistent to the excess when she wants something, painstakingly pursuing her goal, but he could never imagine she could push it so far.

"You lied to me?" his words come out as a barely audible whisper as realization downs on him.

"What?..." she feigns surprise.

"When you told me you were pregnant that night, after Philadelphia… you lied to me. You were never pregnant, but you knew that I would have never left you alone in that situation."

"Derek." she pleads, "you were getting more and more distant. Every day I felt you were slipping away from me. I thought that if I could buy a bit more time I could have made you change your mind and fell in love with me again…" she leaves the sentence hanging as she meets his gaze and sees hurt and anger on his face.

"I did it just because I love you so much…" she sobs with a pathetic pout.

"This is not love Natalie, you're just being selfish. You were so afraid of being alone and didn't want me to leave even though you knew I wasn't staying because I loved you. But now that I know the truth, I guess there's nothing left to say," he curtly concludes as he gets up from his chair and walks away.

**oooOOOooo**

Marcus stares at Emily as she carefully deflects her gaze from him, focusing on an invisible spot on her floor. So much for a profiler, he thinks. "Yeah, we're all good now. We ended up talking about the story of how you and I met…" he grins.

She turns her gaze to him, a mixture of melancholy and amusement on her traits, "Please, tell me you didn't recount the whole story of me shouting at a stranger for a slice of chocolate cake at 2 in the morning!"

"Sorry, that was just too tempting," he goes on scrutinizing her. What he's seeing now gives a whole new meaning to the concept of tension; he looks at her and realizes that not even his lovemaking can rid her of this uncanny burden.

"So, you two had a pleasant afternoon making fun of me, uh? Is this what I have to expect from now on?" she chuckles, moving up to the kitchen to make some coffee and avoid his searching gaze.

Emily doesn't hear any response from him, so she lifts her eyes from the coffee machine, and here he is, leaning on the doorframe a few steps away from her. His hands are crossed on his chest, his expression serious, no traces of a smile are left on his face.

She looks back, the empty spoon in her hand suspended midair, "What's up?" she finally asks after staring at him silently for a long moment.

"I'd like to know what happened in Philadelphia."

Emily freezes. Then she tiredly drops the spoon on the counter and nods silently, in surrender.

"It's not that I'm trying to stiff my nose in your business. But since that night at the bar I have the feeling that I'm standing in the middle of some unfinished business between you and Derek. Normally I wouldn't care about it, but in this case I think I have the right to know what I'm getting myself into if we keep on seeing each other."

Emily knows that Marcus words make perfectly sense, she knows that what he's asking is absolutely reasonable, at the same time though she can't bring herself to face those memories that she stashed so skillfully in a hidden compartment and almost managed to forget.

* * *

><p><em>I know... nothing on Philadelphia! But I promise the next chapter will be the answer to your curiosity!<em>


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

_Thanks a lot for the lovely reviews and sorry for the delay in posting this chapter; things won't be faster from now on unfortunately. I wrote this chapter a few times and I'm still unconvinced, but I always am ;) If something seems awfully off in the flow of events, I can promise it will be explained later. I couldn't put all in it!  
>Reviews, comments and suggestions are my daily dose of happiness, so please R&amp;R! <em>

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><p>Emily stares down at the few grains of coffee scattered over the white table of her kitchen and leaving a track to the spoon lying there, next to her clenching fingers. She's leaning on the counter, her heartbeat lightly accelerated; her breath shallow and the tears lingering in her eyes. She sighs deeply and looks back at Marcus, who is patiently waiting a few meters away from her.<p>

"I need you to know that it all happened before we met," she bits her lips nervously, her eyes wide, pleading him to believe her. She doesn't even know why she's stressing her fidelity to a man who openly professes promiscuity as a style of life. She just needs to say it.

Marcus nods and sits on a chair, ready to listen.

"We had a case in Philadelphia, it ended just before we met…" she starts, her head feels fuzzy and her hands sweaty as she discloses the memories that she forcefully stashed away for months.

"_Derek? Derek… Derek!" Eventually Emily's voice gets to him. They're both wet through, the beating rain soaking them to the bone. Derek feels like he was underwater._

"_Derek, please look at me…" she pleads one last time, He finally complies. Slowly. His eyes lost, his mind somewhere else._

"_I killed him," he manages in a raucous, upset warble._

"_He was armed and ready to shoot his family and us. You didn't have a choice," she vigorously grabs his shoulders._

"_I killed him," he repeats again, this time with rage and self-reproach. Then he holsters his glock and walks away._

"_We got him, Hotch," Emily relays on the phone minutes after, "He had his wife and kid hostage. He shot at us; Morgan took him down."_

_The Unit Chief listens silently from the other end of the line; this case was no joke for any of them. They all had been hoping to solve it without blood shedding, even though since the beginning, the profile predicted a complete different story._

_To realize that the unsub you're hunting down is a cop is never easy; to have to kill him before he kills you or his family kept hostage, is something you would never want to do, not even in your worst nightmares._

_Ben Price was a good, honest man that somehow got lost on the way. He crossed the line, first turning into dark avenger and then into a merciless killer of innocent people._

_The only hope Emily has had till the end, was for Morgan not to be the one to pull the trigger if it was needed. Now she worriedly looks at his partner and friend as he struggles to keep it together, while the memory of his father dying in front of him when he was a kid, is brought up._

_She wants to rescue him from his torment, to tell him that it's not his fault and that what happened to his father has nothing to do with what happened to Ben. But when she reaches him in the car, the words fade away, she sees the mask of pain on Morgan's face and she doesn't have the heart to bring further misery on him._

_Once they are half way to the police station, a sudden hiss skids the car to a halt; Derek barely manages not to lose control of the vehicle. They take a few minutes to realize what happened and that they're still alive._

"_Awesome. Flat tire," he angrily growls once he gets out of the vehicle._

"_And no spare wheel…" Emily proclaims from the trunk._

"_What?" _

"_I'll call Garcia," Emily tries to soothe his rage, fearing he could start kicking the car until it's in pieces, "there's a motel a mile or so from here. We'll wait for the team there until they come and pick us up…"_

"_No way, I'm not leaving the car."_

"_Morgan! We are soaked. In the middle of nowhere. Nobody's around and unless you want to push the car for other 30 miles, there's no way to get back to the station.."_

_Morgan unhappily joins her, walking with long strides and not breathing a word._

_By the time they get to the motel, Hotch has informed them that the only bridge connecting that road to town has collapsed because of the rain, so they'd better spend the night and then the team will find a way to pick them up the following day._

_As they enter the reception, the owner of the place looks at them gaping, her attention first drawn by the Kevlar vest and the guns, then to the badges and finally to the miserable, exhausted, drenching bodies standing in front of her. _

_Twenty minutes later Emily is pacing around her room wearing a bathrobe. She initially thought that a shower would have washed away some of the tension and cleared her mind, but all she can think about is Derek. She knows that when cops are involved in a case, it becomes difficult for him to distance himself from it and not get too personal, but she has never seen him so desperate, hollow and dejected before. She's sure that he can see the difference between this case and his personal experience. But she also knows that in the moment he pulled the trigger, he felt like he was putting Ben's son through the same hell he himself went through as a child. _

_She knows she should leave him some space, but she also knows that now he could use a friend and he would never admit to it._

Morgan gets in his car and takes a few minutes to collect himself before starting the engine. He regrets not realizing things before, he regrets making Emily suffer, he regrets giving up happiness… He can't believe Natalie lied to him, and he can't forgive himself for not realizing her plan before. For months he has fought the excruciating thought of how things could have been different after Philadelphia by telling himself that he took the right decision. That he's been a man, taking responsibility for his actions and that he couldn't have done otherwise without losing his self respect. But now the memory of that night, the expression on Emily's face when she saw him walking back into that bar with Natalie, the pang in his chest looking at her while Natalie was announcing the news to the team. All of it is hampered by the frustration of the lie uncovered too late, by the awareness he cannot undo it, he cannot rewind the sufferance he put her through. And even knowing the truth, what kind of consolation is that? After that night, Emily met Marcus and now she is happy; and as much as he's worried for her choice, the only thing he can do is to back off and be there whenever she needs him. The only thing he can do is to accept that he lost her forever, and maybe he has never even deserved her. As he finally gears the car, Derek wonders if this is the punishment for having had something so precious under his eyes for so long and never seing it, so that when he realized it, it was too late.

_Derek can't stop seeing that cop's eyes before he pulled the trigger. There was no honor, humanity or love left in those eyes. Just rage and determination to kill. That man was as good as any other unsub they pursued before. Yet he can't help thinking he failed by making that child fatherless._

_Of course he's not the first man he shot. Certainly other unsubs he took down had families too, and it's a hypocrisy to be concerned about just this one child. But when he has fired his gun, for a moment he was again on the floor of a store, watching his father fall down lifeless. He felt helpless, powerless and alone as ever before._

_He sits on the bed, his hands holding his head, trying to figure out how to get over with the mess in his head, when he hears the soft thud at the door._

_Emily is waiting there, in her bathrobe; shifting uncomfortably on her feet and offering an apologetic look and a bag with take away food. Instantly Derek can't help a smile, reminding him of the same uneasy look she had when she first joined the BAU, like a kid in a new school with new classmates._

"_I come in peace and bring gifts…" she timidly tries a smile. Derek shifts aside and lets her in._

_The way the robe gently hugs her figure doesn't escape his attention, and as she turns around to face him, he realizes that aside the towel around his waist, he's not any more dressed than her._

"_How do you feel?" he finally asks after staring at each other for a long moment._

_She's surprised to be on the receiving end of that question, and she nods, letting Derek lead the conversation in the most comfortable way for him._

"_I'm sorry for being all over the place before," he continues after a pause._

"_It's okay. I'm just worried for you."_

"_Of course you are, there's no way I can hide from you…"_

"_I can leave if you prefer being alone," Emily haphazardly points out, noticing his crooked smile, lest she crossed a line._

"_No… No, I'm happy that you're here. But I might not be the best company at the moment."_

"_That's okay," she sits on the edge of the bed, "If you don't feel like talking, we could just eat. Are you hungry?"_

"_Starving," he reaches for the envelope and offers one of the two cheeseburgers to her._

_The conversation carries on smoothly, then. Morgan has a break from the painful memories of his past, and he's grateful to Emily for not forcing him to talk about that._

_His phone rings a few times. He never gets it._

_Finally he notices Emily's questioning look when the phone starts vibrating again, "It's nothing, just Natalie…" he briefly justifies._

"_It's not my business, but I can leave if you want some privacy…" she offers._

"_Thanks, but I don't think I can deal with her right now…" he bitterly answers, "We're at the stage when one day you wake up and it feels like you're talking to a stranger…"_

"_Still, if she goes on calling, maybe it means she cares about you," Emily advances._

"_The only person Natalie worries about is herself, I'm afraid. The only reason why we're still together is that she doesn't like things to end unless she decides it. I hoped we could reconcile our differences for a while, but once we get back from this case she will have to come to terms with the fact that we don't have any business anymore."_

"_It's unbelievable how deep we dig in people's minds but then we refrain from letting anybody in, uh?" She sympathetically offers._

"_I'm letting you in…" Derek answers almost in a whisper, " I don't know what kind of spell you cast on people, but tonight after a long time I felt free to be myself, without shields or filters…"_

"_I understand…." Emily tries to find the right words, all of a sudden she feels so awkward and nervous and if it wasn't for the fact that she hasn't swallowed a drop of alcohol, she would swear she's tipsy, "And I'm sorry to hear that things between you and Natalie are not working…" she adds with trembling voice._

"_That's ok, Emily. We all know the old adagio of being a profiler and being married to the job… some days it's just harder than usual to stand the solitude."_

"_You're not alone Derek! We're all in the same situation and even though it's not the same, you can always count on me!" Emily is lost at his words, taken aback by this unexpected admission she would have never imagined to hear from Derek Morgan. Before she can even rationalize it, she's hugging him, wrapping her hands around his bare shoulders. Their bodies so close._

_She startles when she feels his hands tightly reciprocating the embrace, and a shiver runs through her spine as he poses his lips on her head. _

_It's a melting kiss the one they exchange afterward. Long, tender, honest. And it's followed by a totally different one; desperate, raw, needy; their body aching with desire for one another._

_Against what all her body and her mind wish her to do, Emily breaks the kiss and steps back. A long stare, and a reciprocal understanding is instantly reached._

_Emily is thorn between desire and guilt. She can't deny the turmoil of feelings that Derek triggered in her, she can't deny the reciprocal attraction and their deep connection. But she has also learned the hard way that acting recklessly without considering the consequences might be pleasant in the heat of moment, but then it always backfires. Derek is a dear friend and a colleague, and there is another woman in the picture. _

"_It's not that I don't want it, believe me," she almost pleads._

"_But we can't," he finishes her sentence, "I'll need to clarify things with Natalie as soon as I get home. And then I think we need to talk…"_

"_I know," she whispers as he holds her close again, they exchange a brief, intense embrace. Emily can't deny that Derek's words are scaring her, but also making her feel like a teenager at her first crash. Nonetheless she can't help the pang of guilt toward Natalie, as the awareness that somebody is unavoidably going to get hurt, shapes up in her heart._

_A promise is silently sealed as they part; that after they are back and have set things right, they will give this a try and see where it leads._

_They spend the rest of the night in their own bedrooms. Neither of them sleeping, realizing how long they've been pretending the attraction they feel for each other didn't exist. How friendship and cooperation at some point crossed the line to something different, thicker, deeper, without even realizing it, is an uncanny mystery to both of them. But the effect of the transition is undeniable and it feels a torture to stay apart even for one further second. The suddenness with which realization dawned upon them is challenging them with a force and an urgency that leave them breathless, desperate and aching. Everything moved so fast but also so naturally, as if a surreal, experienced hand was driving their will to the necessary end of things. When the first ray of light filters through their windows, they finally welcome the new day, knowing that soon things will be different and this seemingly unbearable wait will soon end. _

"But then you came back to Quantico and things didn't go so smoothly…." Marcus finishes Emily's broken sentence.

She's exhausted and hurt, "I imagine you know the rest of the story from Derek…" Emily tries to keep her voice stable, "Natalie wanted to meet him urgently at the bar where we were having a drink after the flight," she remembers, "One moment we were smiling at the promise of starting something together, the moment after they were walking in hand in hand and she was announcing she was pregnant…"

"It must have been hard…"

"It was horror. And it wasn't any easier for him. I cried my tears and then stashed that night in a box and locked it away, because even the thought of what could have been, was killing me."

"Did you two ever talk about that again?" Marcus questions.

"What was there to talk? We never promised anything to each other, and I got to the point of thinking it was all in my mind," her voice eventually breaking, "one month later Natalie lost the baby, and Derek stayed at her side. I think he had more important matters than me to deal with at that time."

"So, you simply forgot about it, and picked up the first stranger you met?"

Emily's eyes widen in surprise and hurt. She needs to take a deep breath before managing an answer and when it comes, it's a muffled whisper, "You weren't a rebound, Marcus. But it was a relief when you told me you weren't looking for any commitment. Could you blame me for that?"

"You didn't even fight for it… You just moved on?" Marcus repeats, totally careless about Emily's reassurance.

"What should I have done? It wasn't a question of fighting. I took a risk with a man who was already with someone else, and I lost."

"But how can you deal all alone with the frustration and the anger …" He observes, not knowing whether to feel hurt or just genuinely concerned for her.

"What am I supposed to be angry for? The fact that the man I wanted and lost is actually an honorable man? This is exactly the very reason why I…"

"Why you are in love with him?"

"Why I respect him!" she angrily defends.

"Call it whatever you want Emily. I care about you and I'm telling you that running away from your feelings won't change the state of things. I'm many things, but not a bastard and I won't stand by and watch you throwing away something so precious."

Emily staggers for a moment, like if she was slapped in the face, "Wow, so who's the one who's running away without a fight?" anger and hurt lacing her words.

"Emily, I'm not running away…" Marcus advances, realizing too late the damage he's done.

"Yes you are. Since the moment we met Derek at that bar, you started going on about the idea of backing off…" she spits, tears on her cheeks.

"Don't turn things around, Em. Please…"

"You know what? It's fine. I'm used to being let down and I can take care of myself. I was wrong when I thought you were at least honest." She hisses, drying her tears and grabbing her car keys.

"By honest you mean, not caring about you? Treating you like an item? Is this what you think I've been doing so far? Is this what you think you deserve?" Marcus doesn't know how he managed to fall into this rabbit hole, but he can see that Emily has been scarred so many times and that in someway he let her down too, and he doesn't know how to get her back.

"We're done." She utters coldly, before leaving the house.

As Marcus runs out of Emily's building, under the beating rain, he can only see her car skidding away inder the storm.

It's not a question of pride or jealousy anymore, it's real concern driving his actions as he grabs his phone, "Derek, I need your help. It's about Emily." He mumbles and hopes she doesn't do anything stupid.


	6. Chapter 6

_Thanks a lot for all the lovely reviews to the previous chapter. I apologize if I didn't manage to answer to all of them, I truly appreciate all the comments I receive and they always make me smile._

_So here is the new chapter, please let me know what you think! ;) _

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><p><strong>Chapter 6 <strong>

"Finally," Marcus exclaims as a car pulls over out of Emily's apartment, "I tried to call her a million times but it always goes straight to voicemail."

"What did you do to her?" Derek steps out of his car, spitting rage.

The two men share a long stare, careless of the beating rain.

"What did _you_ do to her!" Marcus responds, slowly and pointedly, not intimidated by Derek's attitude.

The profiler swallows bitterly, reminding himself what is his place in this dysfunctional triangle. Then, with a calmer tone, he starts over, "Ok, let's step inside, getting soaked is not gonna help anyone…"

"I don't need you to profile me, Derek," Marcus points out, simmering, "I need you to help me finding her!"

"And I will, but I need to know what happened…"

"Philadelphia happened!" The words are a raging hiss, a punch in the stomach. There's no fair play anymore, no tipping on their toes. The suspicions have been bared and the truth disclosed. Marcus knows what happened and the hunch he had about Morgan and Emily having some unsolved business has just become a certainty.

Only now does Derek realize how exhausting and draining it has been to keep the truth hidden all this time, to pretend it was just a dream, to convince himself he was acting for the best.

"It happened before she met you," Derek clarifies with a note of regret and loss in his voice; it's the surrender of a man who knows he lost his chance and there's no going back. Marcus though, misunderstands it as regret for stepping into his and Emily's relationship.

"Save it, Derek. I don't care whether she cheated on me, whether she has feelings for me, you or both of us."

In seeing the dejection in his eyes, Derek can't help wondering how didn't he figure out about Marcus and Emily before, how could he miss that among all Marcus's women there's one a bit more special than the others.

"Emily has been betrayed and let down so many times that the only way to protect herself from other sufferance was to build up a wall around her," Marcus carries on, "What drives me crazy is that such an extraordinary woman is convinced she doesn't deserve any good from life. I don't care about mine or your feelings, I just want her to know that I'm not letting her down."

As Derek recognizes in Marcus's words the same feelings he has harbored for Emily for a long time, he also realizes that, though at different times and in different ways, they both have lost their chance with her. Nonetheless they can't afford to let her down. Such a selfless, pure feeling is like a dagger in Derek's chest, because for the first time after Philadelphia he fully quantifies the depth of his pain. This feeling is so shattering and yet so empowering, that he wonders when's the last time he felt so alive and driven.

"Marcus, I'm concerned about Emily just as much as you are," Morgan evenly reassures, "But now I need you to step inside and walk me through what happened between you two."

**ooOoo**

"Ah! I didn't see you in a while…" Jacques' heavy French accent welcomes Emily.

"I was busy," she sighs, staring at the display of treats behind the windows glass.

"Chocolate cake?" he asks with a knowing smile.

"No!" the answer comes almost in a shout, prompting memories of her past visit to the patisserie, "Never again. I'm done with it. Chocolate cake is either a depressing night alone, either an encounter with a dangerous stranger who claims he doesn't want commitment and then starts asking questions and setting boundaries."

"My chocolate cake is _tres_ good," Jacques objects with his melodious accent while he cuts a slice, "but like life, it depends on how you interpret it. You see it as comfort food and a failed love, I see it as a deserved treat after a long day and the beginning of an exciting story."

The knife cracks the cover with a sweet sound that evokes morning sunlight filtering in her bedroom, while she sleeps in a comforting embrace; snowy nights by the fireplace accompanied by old stories; a little girl sneaking into the kitchen when her parents are still asleep, she holds tight her teddy bear and smiles in anticipation as she pilfers a slice of cake from the counter. The scent of chocolate and the happy memories make Emily's mouth water and her heart melt in a mixture of nostalgia and melancholy.

"Chocolate is deception," she moans in a despondent whisper, her eyes transfixed on the cake, a source of pleasure and trouble that she can't help craving.

"Deception can sometimes be a gateway to happiness," Jacques carries on.

The section of the slice reveals multiple layers of chocolate filling, alternated with soft, thick dough. Emily can imagine the feeling of the first bite in her mouth. First the creamy filling, not too sweet and still warm, then the rich texture of the dough, melting with the cream to create a perfectly balanced pleasure.

"But then the deception ends," she shakes out of the _cake__'__s__charm_, " and reality hits you hard."

"Then make sure to have a second slice," Jacques slides the plate with the cake on the counter, a knowing, self-accomplished grin on his lips.

"Really? Is this your philosophy? Eat chocolate until you die?"

"It's a happier death that many others…and it does good to my business," Jacques winks and then explains, "You are a strange client. People usually eat cakes enjoying each single bite. You, instead, are so afraid of what is going to be afterward, that every bite is a fight between pleasure and agony."

"Your point, Confucio?" Emily arches en eyebrow, uncertain whether to laugh or to leave the man alone with his riddles.

"Life is like a cake, mon chery; it has to be tasted bite after bite with no regrets and no reservations."

Emily is about to answer, when her phone rings. "Oh, you're kidding me…" she mutters, recognizing the number.

"Learn to enjoy life before it's too late!" the man reminds her as she heads out of the shop.

As she steps in the cold of the street, the charm dissolves, but Jacques' words keep whirling in her mind.

**ooOoo**

"For some reasons Emily believes she's the only one to blame for her own misery.." Marcus concludes his recount, most of the rage has now left the pace to a caring concern, "She's the one who nurtured wrong hopes toward the wrong man, the one who almost ruined your relationship with Natalie, the one who doesn't deserve to find a man who loves her and that she can love back. Whereas you have been through so much that it's unthinkable that you could be burdened with any responsibility…"

Derek sighs in frustration trying to remember how many times he's tried to breach her vocation for martyrdom over the past years, and how every time he found a brick wall.

"Don't misunderstand me," Marcus carries on "I know that you've been through a lot; the pregnancy, the loss of the baby…But I don't think Emily deserves this either."

"She faked it." Derek mumbles, interrupting his friend.

"What?"

"Natalie and I were in a bad place and she figured if she had faked a pregnancy, I wouldn't have left her."

"How long have you known that?"

"A few hours…"

"Jesus, Derek. I'm sorry," Marcus offers few muffled words.

"Yeah, well. I could have handled the situation in a different way and we wouldn't be here now…" Derek concedes.

"I have to ask. What the hell do you do to women? Faked pregnancies, drama queens, secret love triangles… I thought my love life was messed up, but compared to yours it's a walk in the park."

"I got the point, Marcus. Could we please concentrate on finding Emily now?" the profiler tries to redirect the focus of the conversation.

"So you lost Emily in order not to lose your relationship, and now it's all down the drain"

"Marcus! I get the message. You think I fucked it up, and maybe I did. But things are not as easy as you might think. Can we now get this over with and find…" his words are interrupted by the familiar ringing tone.

"Briefing room in thirty minutes my love! Come alone and possibly underdressed, I'll take care of the rest…" Penelope announces huskily.

"Baby girl, tell me you're kidding," he begs.

"If I were I wouldn't be sitting in my office on a Sunday afternoon fantasizing about your statuary body…"

"Ok, I'm on my way," he dejectedly resolves, "hey, Penelope, did you already get a hold of Prentiss?" he asks quickly.

"Yes I did…" Penelope's tone shifts on a lower note, "She's coming in already. Why? Are you two still on the warpath?"

"I'm not far from her apartment and I thought I could pick her up…that's it" he responds evasively; Marcus looking at him expectantly.

"Wow, sexy and environment friendly, all a woman can ask," Garcia tries to resume the bantering, still uncertain of what's going on with Derek lately.

"And all you can have, babygirl. I'll see you soon," He can't help smile at Garcia's flirty attitude.

Penelope weighs the conversation she just had with Derek and can't buy his fake attitude. At least he's not biting her head off, but certainly it's not like him to be so distant, unless something is bothering him. On the other hand his mention to Prentiss and their recent ups and downs starts her on a suspect. She knows it's impossible, they are colleagues and both involved in a relationship, but if she didn't know any better, she would think there some romance between her two colleagues.

Derek's eyebrow arches in a frowned, concerned expression as he meets Marcus demanding eyes, "We've got a case. Emily is already at the BAU, but I have to go."

Marcus sighs in relief, at least knowing that Emily is in a familiar environment, surrounded by good friends, lifts a burden off his chest, even though he would be much happier if he could talk to her immediately.

"I'll keep an eye on her, don't worry," Derek reassures before jumping into the car.

As he watches Morgan's car skidding away in the rain, Marcus has the feeling that he has lost her, maybe he really never had her.

**ooOoo**

During all the time they're working the case, Prentiss is professional and detached; her profiling skills as sharp as usual and her focus on finding the unsub complete. This doesn't surprise Morgan, but it doesn't reassure him either. In someway, he finds it comforting and ironic that both of them can find shelter in such a hard job; maybe because knowing there is someone out there that is even more dysfunctional then them, soothes their inability to fit into canon. Or maybe because only someone with a certain amount of damage can be comfortable with this profession.

"You okay?" Rossi's voice takes him aback as he stares at the crime scene photos in the semi deserted police station, "I heard you had some tension with Garcia and Prentiss few days ago."

"I was just tired and I snapped," Derek concedes apologetically.

"We all do. You haven't been through an easy time, lately."

"Yeah, I'm not the only one," he responds feeling a surge of self loathing at the pitch of his stomach, "but this is not an excuse to let my frustration on my friends…"

"I'm sure none of them blame you as much as you blame yourself," Rossi reassures, earning a surprised look by his colleague.

"I guess you don't cheat the veterans, do you?" Derek chuckles.

"Ehhh. I've been there, you know? Trying to do the right thing, convinced I was making the best choice and then realizing I had just made things worse."

Derek sighs pensively and stares into the smoking mug in his hand, "So what did you do, then?"

Rossi looks at him, bewildered by the obvious question, "I got a divorce," he shrugs and leaves with a smirk.

It's a misty, freezing morning, when they finally catch the unsub. The sounds are muffled and the profiles of the city blurred creating a surreal and grave atmosphere as the coroner carries away the body of the last victim. The profilers stare at the scene helpless and wrecked; there will be no happy ending this time, no reunion between the family and the rescued victim. An unbearable burden of hollow and darkness sits in their chests and a knot sits to their throat as they wrap up the files and get ready to leave.

This is the hardest part. To fight the dejection and despair, while the rational inner voice repeats the old story that you can't save them all, that sometimes you do your best, but you can't just be there in time; you can't save them all.

As she takes the case photos off the board, Emily is fighting off this rational voice. She doesn't want consolation prizes, she doesn't want to be fine with the best she can do if this is not good enough; she doesn't want to feel lifted by the responsibility of this failure. She just wants to sink in darkness.

A pang of pain hits her when she realizes that normally, in cases like this, she would call Marcus and he would be there for her; no questions asked, just a safe arbor she could hold on to until oblivion washed away her torment. Again, she realizes how much she came to rely on him over the last few months and how much she needs him. And she mentally reproaches herself for this weakness.

With the best timing, Derek walks into the room. He looks around, checking no other team member is around and finally stands to face her.

"Before we were called for the case, I received a call from Marcus."

Not the way she expected him to start the conversation; Emily widens her eyes, her mouth opening and closing a couple of times without producing any sound.

"He really cares about you, …" he pauses, "and I do too. I'm sorry for how things went after Philadelphia."

Emily stiffens at the mention. She's been trying not to make a big deal out of that night because the only memory is a blade in her wounds. All she wants right now is to vacuum her feelings; to make things easy, smooth and painless. All she wants is to forget that night. She purses her lips and finally looks at him with an apologetic look "Derek, I'm sorry for bringing up Philadelphia. It was unfair; I was nervous and I crossed the line," as Morgan tries to react to her words, Emily's face morphs into a cold, unyielding mask, "But try again to come between me and Marcus and you'll regret it."

Derek stares concerned and helpless, while she walks away. The more he tries to make things better, the worse they get. He starts feeling like there is no way out from this situation, no redemption, no cure. Just a whole not of silence, grudge and unspoken words.


	7. Chapter 7

_Thanks a lot for all the amazing reviews you left me so far. They really made me smile and I loved to receive your take and opinions on the story.  
><em>_It's funny how the preference between Marcus and Derek shifts at every chapter; I'm happy I managed to make Emily's (and yours) choice not easy... Otherwise where's the fun?  
><em>_So this early update is my Christmas present, considering that I won't update during the holidays, I hope you like it and as usual I'm eager to hear what you think about it and who's your favorite, Derek or Marcus._

**_Merry Christmas to you all!_**

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><p>When Emily comes back home, she finds Marcus standing in the middle of the living room; she's sure she's never seen him look so uncomfortable. All the resentment against him for involving Derek into their problems fades away as she sees the genuine concern in his eyes.<p>

She can't help wondering how they went from the joyful, uncommitted, libertine liaison to this drama filled situation, in such a short time. "Couldn't we just go back to old habits? Great mind-blowing sex, no questions, no strings attached?" she asks in an almost imploring whimper.

Marcus has imagined a lot of different scenarios for how this conversation could go, but this for sure wasn't on his shortlist, and he can't help a chuckle in realizing how full of surprises Emily Prentiss is, "Look, what you've done. You turned a perfect promiscuous womanizer into an ordinary almost monogamous man. Shame on you!" he plays along, then he sobers up "I could go back if I didn't know the things I've learnt lately…"

"What do you mean?"

He gives her a long stare, and then he sighs starting to explain, "When I talked to Derek, few days ago, he told me I couldn't know you for real without including your job in the equation, and I answered that he was wrong."

"He was!" she defends eagerly; tired of how Derek regularly pops out in every conversation she has with Marcus.

"No, he wasn't. The truth is that I was jealous that he knew a part of you that I can never access."

"Well, there are several parts of me that you have accessed and he hasn't," she counters, failing to keep a malicious grin as she realizes what she's actually just said. She regrets immediately as she sees Marcus's serious face.

"Every time you come back from a case, shattered and exhausted, you call me…" he rubs his hands with each other, looking for words, " After I make love to you, you look…"

"Content?"

"Relieved, from whatever monster is haunting you. It's as if I managed to disconnect you from some painful burden. I've always thought I was helping you to move on from the horrors you saw on the job, but I was wrong, wasn't I?"

Emily turns pale; an invisible hand is suddenly grabbing her throat and choking her.

"It wasn't the job you needed to forget. It was him, it was Derek. You still love him and the fact that you cannot even hate him, is killing you."

Emily doesn't answer, but a solitary tear traveling down her cheek is more powerful than a full confession.

"I'm sorry…" she manages to whisper, feeling ashamed because Marcus doesn't deserve this.

"Emily, I wasn't joking when I said that you turned me into a better man. This though doesn't change the fact that I've done some pretty mean things and I'm not proud of them."

"Everybody makes mistakes," Emily argues, her eyebrows arched in a frown.

"Not this kind," his serious tone is almost scary. Is he bluffing to chase her away or is he telling the truth?

"What kind of mistakes are we talking about?"

"The kind that would make Derek's concern more than legitimate," his eyes look down now.

"Derek has been way over the line during the past few days, and no matter what you think he doesn't have the right to choose who I see in my own time."

"He did it because he cares about you, very much. And believe me he would have the right to say so much worse about me," he admits.

Emily is starting to find this riddle irritating, especially because she doesn't see where it's going, "Marcus, do you want to tell me what this is all about once and for all?"

He starts pacing back and forth the room, he knows how things will unravel if he goes down this path, but if it's true that Emily Prentiss turned him into a different man, then he owes her the truth. It's the least he can do, for her and for Derek.

_It's a chilly night and as he enters the bar, Marcus is pleasantly welcomed by the warm and lively atmosphere. The place is elegant but not posh; there is a personal, homely touch in the decorations, yet it's not tacky. And the women are beautiful and definitely outnumbering men; he smiles thinking this is going to be a good night._

_Derek walks out of the crowd and reaches him, interrupting his train of thoughts, "Hey! You made it," the profiler greets him, "thank you for coming."_

"_Thank you for inviting me, Mr FBI. I'm actually surprised you haven't left the party yet for a last minute case," Marcus mocks his friend._

"_It's still early. You never know what the night is going to bring," he plays along, "hey, let me introduce you the person responsible for this party, my girlfriend Natalie."_

_Marcus is taken aback by the woman's beauty and by her attire, a mixture of self awareness and malice that immediately captures him._

_Despite being openly defiant to rules, Marcus has some boundaries. One of them is not to get involved with the woman of a friend, especially if that friend is Derek Morgan. He repeats that resolution mentally several times, and he fast travels away from Derek and Natalie, engaging flirtatious conversations with several other women. He glances at Natalie from time to time, every time he admonishes himself to leave that thought alone, every time he can't help a pang of satisfaction noticing that Natalie is looking at him as well…_

_Derek's prediction that the night is still young and a lot can happen, is fulfilled by the moment he is called on a case and he has to leave. _

_Marcus for a moment is tempted to scream after him, find a way not to let him go, because he knows that Derek's presence is the only thing keeping him from making the worst mistake and giving in to his desire. He knows that Natalie won't back off either and this is not helping to steady his resolution either. He finally decides to leave. Just one last drink. Just one last gaze. Just this one time._

"You slept with her," Emily's voice is not filled with reproach or disgust, it's just an even, unemotional gasp, "That's how you knew the place where you took me that night, when we met Derek and the team. It's where you two have met…" she has recognized it immediately as he was recounting.

"So as you can see, Derek has his reasons not to trust me," he dodges the question.

"You bet," her tone is flat, but a pang of rage is climbing upon her, a rage coming from a dark, far place in her mind, directed to him for keeping this from her, to Derek for not telling the whole truth and to herself for being fooled so easily.

"It was a mistake, a horrible mistake. And we stopped when we realized we were ruining her relationship and my friendship…"

"A mistake? Marcus, a mistake is when you buy milk instead of orange juice, a mistake is when you lose your ring and flush it down the toilet or when you turn left instead of right. Having an affair with your friend's girlfriend is not a mistake."

Suddenly Emily feels like a jerk. All this time she thought that Derek was driven by possessive jealousy, that he was judging her choices and her style of life, whereas he was driven by selfless concern. What a double slap in the face…

"Does he know about you and Natalie?" she asks bluntly, as if she had an unsub and not her partner standing in front of her.

"I think he had a suspicion… things between him and Natalie were not going very well…" he sees her eyes widening, "I'm not justifying myself, I'm just saying."

"Did you check that I was involved with him too before you started dating me?" her question is sharp and devoid of emotion, and it hits him like a train, even though he expected it.

"I didn't know who you were when I met you, Emily. And I swear I didn't know you and him were working together until we met at that bar," his eyes a pool of regret, Emily can see he's not lying, yet she doesn't know how to digest the news.

In the run of a few days she went from trying to forget Derek, to being pissed at him for his intromissions, to not being able to imagine the hell he went through and how alone he must have felt struggling with all this without any support.

"So all the act about not wanting Derek 'joining the game' was just a lame way to cover your ass," her voice trembles as details come to her mind finally falling into place, "I was feeling a wreck all the time for still having feelings for him while I was with you, for the way he told me you were not right for me. How could I be so naïve? Do I even know you?"

"Emily, please…"

"First, you tell me you just want to screw, no emotional ties, no committed relationships; then all of a sudden you start acting all protective and concerned, and finally, when I start believing that you actually care, you tell me that you slept with Derek's girlfriend, long after knowing that she's the reason why he dumped me…"

"I know I don't deserve you as I don't deserve Derek's friendship, but maybe you can forgive me in time…"

"It's not my forgiveness you have to ask for…" Emily cannot think straight, she doesn't even know how to feel and how she's supposed to act. She feels like she's been moving through a maze, blinded and without a key piece of information and now she's too deep inside to find a way out.

**ooOoo**

It has stopped raining, but the leaden sky promises that the storm is not over, Emily thinks as she steps in the car.

Too many secrets, too many unveiled details that each of the players of this sick game have been keeping from each other, either for care or for fear or for the better. A growing feeling that all she knows is just a tip of the iceberg is nagging her and she can't close this story until she has talked to the other person involved.

She knows she can't be mad at Marcus or Derek, because she kept secrets and made mistakes too.

It took a remarkable amount of courage for Marcus to uncover the truth and be honest about his past. Even though a part of her can't help feeling betrayed and sorry for how blindly she trusted him, another side wants to forgive him so madly, because if she can, then there's a chance that Derek as well can forgive her for what she kept from him.

_It's not even nine o'clock when Emily crawls up the stairs of her apartment, yet she could easily collapse on her sofa without a shower or dinner, just sliding into slumber until a new day creeps upon her, and she drags the shell she has become to work. It's been an exhausting charade to pull off since they've been back from Philadelphia four days before; she refuses to let anyone see how hurt she is, she refuses to put this on Derek, and she refuses to talk to him about what happened despite his countless attempts. _

_It's agony to work side by side and constantly fend off his looks, constantly try to forget the memory of his lips on her, the burning trace his hands left on her skin during those few minutes. It's unbearable to think that what she considered a concrete possibility is now a painful dream, lost forever. It's one of those nights that she feels she's at the bottom, she just wants to find refuge in a dark hole and let life pass by her, going elsewhere to bother someone else. It's one of those nights, when she thinks it cannot get any worse, until she finds someone waiting at her door._

As she knocks at Derek's door, Emily suddenly doesn't have any right to come up with her questions; after all she told the guy to back off from her life. Her urgency is instantaneously replaced by doubts. What if he doesn't want to talk to her? What if Natalie is there? What if her coming here was just a hypocrite attempt to soothe her guilt? All these questions are still whirling through her mind as Derek opens the door and looks at her surprised.

Then the words come out of her mouth in a demanding tone, the awkward feeling of being just a witness to her own humiliation, "Tell me why you didn't want Marcus to be with me…."

"Good to see you too," Derek mutters dejectedly as he moves to the side to let her in, "I assume he told you he slept with Natalie?" he tiredly comments walking back to his kitchen.

"You knew?" Emily walks behind him, "You knew and you didn't say anything to him? You didn't say anything to me?"

"People make mistakes Emily. I made mine too; and before ruining your relationship with Marcus I wanted to be sure if he was playing you. Then I saw how he was concerned about you when you were gone, and I realized he was not faking."

"But what he did to you…" she can't understand how the territorial, jealous man who cornered her few days ago, suddenly became so submissive at the idea of being betrayed by some of his closest people.

"He wasn't alone in that. There were two responsible adults involved in the game, and if Natalie cheated on me, maybe there was something wrong at the core of our relationship," he admits bitterly.

"Do you love her so much that you could forgive her even though she betrayed you?" it's jealousy and resentment driving her objection; the feeling that all his promises were just a cruel game.

"I don't love her and I didn't forgive her, but things were complicated and I made a decision. Definitely the wrong one, but at that time I thought I was acting in everyone's best interest."

"I guess it was not easy for any of us…" Emily ponders.

"But then you met Marcus and now you two are happy together, so not all was lost," he counters; this is his white flag, the promise he won't step in the way anymore. For a moment though he has the impression that disappointment and regret are clouding her face, and he immediately shushes the thought.

"And you've got Natalie and even though you've been through a tough time, maybe you too can find a way to work it out," she immediately says, trying to convince herself that if Marcus changed then maybe even Natalie did.

"Natalie lied to me about the baby and everything, she was never really pregnant," he tells, the words almost painful as the betrayal still stinging him. He stiffens as he watches Emily suddenly turning pale and then hesitating, her gaze drifting away.

"Emily?" he recalls her attention, "Emily please tell me you didn't know." To be lied to by one woman is humiliating enough, but to realize he's been the puppet of a grotesque comedy, having him as the fool, is beyond any conceivable level of frustration.

"_Natalie…" her voice conveys the mixture of surprise, annoyance, desperation and resentment that the only thought of the woman prompts in her every time._

_Natalie's smiling at her; flawless, beautiful, and cold. Her clothes are the result of a careful choice aimed to show how successful, elegant and ambitious she is, but to Emily, used to scan the high society since she was a child, this disguise screams as shallow arrogance and tacky narcissism. This woman who purrs around Derek and pretends to be a loving girlfriend, is actually a cheeky bully, and Emily's desire to smash her face against a wall skyrockets by the second._

_Natalie takes a step toward her opponent and she finally reveals the reason of her visit "I'll cut it short because I believe you don't want me here as much as I don't want to be here. I am the girlfriend of the man you are trying to steal from me. I am carrying his child. And I am the one he's supposed to spend his time with. Not you."_

_Emily frowns bewildered, despite her low consideration for Natalie, the woman is actually managing to make her fill as a kinky slut. _

"_You might think that you know him better, because of the job and the time you spend together, and maybe it's true. But in the long run, who do you think can make him happier? You, with all the darkness you drag around and the complications of a relationship on the job? I can grant him a shelter from all the horror you see every day; a healthy, stable, relationship. I can give him a family." _

_If the rage has been building inside Emily like a time bomb, the last words manage to crash her completely. Back in Philadelphia it seemed all so true and right, but maybe that spark was the result of the discomfort of the situation and not something meant to be, as she thought. Maybe she's trying to convince herself that she can find somebody who loves her, and in doing this she's dragging Derek down her abyss._

"_Derek has already made his choice. Why did you bother coming here?" Suddenly her rationality takes over; if the woman is so sure of her superiority, why did she feel the urge of marking her territory?_

"_Because Derek and I are starting a new important chapter, and I don't want unsolved business in my way," she growls back, then her tone softens, "Do you really think you can do any good to him? Think about it," she walks away without waiting for Emily's answer, and leaves the profiler drowning in a pit of remorse._

"Emily…" Derek's demanding tone, urging an answer brings her back to the present, "did you know?"

"I didn't. I had the suspicion… but I was so hurt that I thought it was just my grudge making up malicious conjectures…" she admits, it comes it all back again, in one second, that shattering, unbearable pain, like she was kept underwater and she couldn't breath.

"You had a suspicion. That's it, out of nowhere. And you didn't say anything." Derek's temper starting to falter.

"What was I supposed to do, Derek? To come between the two of you with a hunch? I knew what you were going through and how hard she was trying to win you back."

"Aside from the few words I told you, how could you know we were having a hard time…" Derek's words get stuck in the air as soon as they come out of his mouth. As realization dawns on him, a second too late, he wishes he could take them back. This maybe wouldn't make him feel such an idiot.

"We met," Emily admits, drily, unemotionally; then she recounts the conversation with Natalie, and how she spent the night afterward thinking back of her words,

trying to figure what to do.

"I even considered that the pregnancy was just a scam in the desperate attempt to win you back. I hoped for it, because it would have meant we actually had a chance, and then I felt horrible for even wishing something like that."

"That's why you avoided all my attempts to talk to you, and that day you told me that Philadelphia was just a mistake to leave in the past…" Derek puts the final pieces together.

"The fact that I didn't like Natalie didn't mean that she couldn't be a good fit for you. And I wasn't the best judge ever…" she admits, a wave of confusion in her mind, in her heart.

"Yet you made a decision for the both of us," his voice is scalding.

"You had already made your decision, Derek! The night you two walked back in that bar and announced the pregnancy. That night you chose her over me!" the resentment she has kept under lock for so long, finally finds a way out.

"I could have left her and taken care of the baby. I would have done it if you were willing to give it a try. Instead you ran, as usual."

"Well, maybe I ran. But for sure I didn't stay in a relationship I didn't want just because I couldn't find a better alternative!" she screams back and she regrets it the moment she let it out. That's it. She managed to spill all the distress and rage she bottled up for so long with the only intent not to hurt him, and there's no coming back.

When Derek finally answers, his voice is a whisper, "Growing up I promised I would have never let my kids go down the same path. It took me a while to process what was going on between the two of us, what was happening in my and Natalie's relationship and how could I be there for the kid. And you're right, I screwed up and I hurt you. And I'm so sorry for that."

Emily feels suddenly empty at seeing his frailties bared to her.

"Days, week, months went by living in this state of numbness. Natalie and I grew distant and uninterested, and I didn't care. We've barely seen each other."

"You never said anything…" she almost sobs, her voice trembling.

"At some point you started smiling again. I didn't know what came into your life, but it looked like something good and I didn't want to compromise that balance."

"But…"

"Emily it's fine. I'm glad if things turned out well between you and Marcus, at the end of the day the important is that you are happy," his husky voice soothing her melancholy, bringing her back to that hotel room, "Because you are happy, aren't you?"

She looks up at him, her eyes widened in surprise, confusion, regret, hurt, desire. Then she bites her lip, aware that her answer will shape the direction of three people's future.

She takes a deep breath and she finally speaks.


	8. Chapter 8

_I apologize for the delay, I hope you haven't given up on this story... it's been a crazy month and the muse wouldn't cooperate...Anyway here it is the last chapter. Further notes are at the end. Please R&R :)_

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><p>Am I happy? Are you kidding? You made me believe we had something; then you ran back to your falsely pregnant girlfriend, who is the quintessential bitch, by the way. Then, when I found a guy I liked and I thought I was ready to move on, you came along making a big scene. Just enough to remind me how shattered I still am, and to discover that Marcus actually slept with your girlfriend and lied to me.<p>

So now I have to choose between two people I deeply care for and am pissed off with. Two people who made me suffer greatly, but also showed their affection for me. Now, let's see. Am I happy?

This is what Emily would like to reply. Instead she doesn't; she just stands there, looking at Derek with hurt, rage, confusion and guilt.

"Two of the people I trusted most lied to me, repeatedly," she finally concedes with unstable voice, "how can this ever make me happy?"

"I guess none of us are free from guilt. We all did things that we thought were for the best and then regretted," Derek counters. There's no apology in his voice, he's as exhausted as she is. This attempt to keep his feelings from sifting through the cracks is exasperating both of them. What he's doing in order to protect Emily from further confusion is torturing him and it's translating into a draining ghost hunt for her.

Is it hurt, concern or desire, that Emily sees in his eyes for a moment? Is it pain in his voice? Is he at least a bit sad at the thought of giving up on her? Or is she so easy to let go? She wonders.

Emily suddenly breaks, tired of this game of shadows, "Derek, I ended up in Marcus' bed _because of you_. You left me so heartbroken that the only way to carry on was to lose myself in someone else's arms in order to feel wanted and desired again. If I am miserable now it's _because of you_, of your changes of mind, of your cryptic behavior; and you have the stomach to ask me if I'm happy. How can you dare?"

"Emily, what do you want me to do? I care about you…" The rage in her voice, prompting his own; the grit in his husky voice making her shiver and losing words for a moment.

"Then fight! If you care about me, show me you're ready to do something to get me back. Or shut up and stop telling me you care, because that's bullshit, and I'm tired of playing along!" she widens her eyes when she realizes what she's shouting at him, and how liberating that is.

"Emily… You know it's complicated. Despite everything, Marcus is a friend of mine and I don't want to do to him what he did to me. If you're happy with him, then I'll step back," his jaw is clenched and his carotid pumping faster; he wonders if she can see the effort is giving. He wonders if she's consciously leading him to the brink. But he's sure he won't be able to hold himself much longer.

"You know what?" she persists furiously, "I am mad at Marcus because he lied to me, I am mad at him because he told me the truth, when it would have been so easy to pretend nothing happened. But at least he took the risk. He did something. He didn't play like a scared kid, hiding behind a moralistic excuse."

That's it. As Derek's face is flooded with pain and loss, she can see the hurt and the surrender in his eyes. She has her answer and she feels horrible for the things she has just said. She has maybe crossed the line, and maybe it won't be possible to fix the crack between them, but she needed to let this burden out.

She turns around to walk away still confused on what her real feelings are, when she feels something grabbing her arm and before she knows it, Derek is pressing her body against the wall, the door of his apartment shut violently. It's just the two of them, now.

"Do you want to know the truth? Do you want me to fight? Alright." He challenges her in a raspy whisper, not easing the grip on her body. He is aware of how close he is to just losing his control as much as he is of the glow in her eyes, "Do you want to know how excruciating it was for me that night? How hard it was to let you go, and how torn I was after then between letting you go and dragging you back in the insanity our relationship would have been? Do you want to know how I could barely look or touch Natalie? How I spent the last months trying to understand how could I possibly screw things up so badly?"

At every question their breath is more labored; at each question their lips are inching closer and closer, until she takes the last step sealing a kiss.

It's crave, hunger and blind desire. It's overwhelming passion, a urge ignored for months; it's reciprocal need and care and it's everything they've been waiting for so long.

They don't even try to classify it as right or wrong, because the line between the two sides has blurred a long time ago and there is now a messy cloud left to unsuccessfully part two empty words. How much a person can take? How much two people can hurt each other before surrendering to the truth?

Derek kisses her back, matching her greed. Then her neck, her chest, her breasts, as they work at each other clothes haphazardly and angrily. They don't think, they don't talk as their bodies become one. The only aim is to give each other's pleasure, to milk each other's bodies until there's no more strength to squeeze. Just two souls, labored, stretched, worn, by so much longing.

"I'm no better than Marcus," Derek declares later, as they lay naked at each other's side.

The silence that follows for a few seconds is deafening and excruciating because no matter how they put it, somebody's going to get hurt.

"I guess none of us is free from guilt," she finally replies, staring at the ceiling.

The circle is closed, what Marcus had predicted the first time he saw Emily and Derek together, when all this began, has happened. They all got their hands dirty, they all stashed secrets under the carpet and they all untimely dealt with the consequences of their messed up choices. So much for being mature adults, and yet running around in circles, hurting themselves and each other.

"So that's it. It has to be," the consideration escapes Emily's lips almost with surprise.

Having slept with Derek feels like a huge burden of denial has been lifted off her chest, but it also fills her with the guilt of betrayal. She started off with the intention of not hurting anyone and look at how it ended up.

"It has to be what?" Derek turns to look at her; he knows what's going on in her mind now, and he would do everything to take all the responsibility for what they did, he would do everything to be the one who takes the blame when it comes to confront Marcus. But he knows it's not possible. They are responsible in the same way for their feelings.

He knows it wasn't blind need driving them; they wanted each other so badly and so intensely that the power of their feelings overwhelmed and scared them. Now they couldn't walk away from this, even if they wanted.

"I need to talk to Marcus," she finally resolves, looking back into his eyes.

"I can come with you," he offers sincerely.

"I know. But I'd rather go alone. I need to sort things out with him. I am the one who is in a relationship with him and just cheated on him with his best friend."

Before she gets up Derek stops her, a hand delicately placed on her arm, in his eyes a silent question, a plea not to disappear on him again, because this bridge between them is so strong but so thin that a rifle could break it, and it terrifies him.

Emily leans in to kiss him; a prolonged, delicate promise that she's not running away. As he rests his forehead against her, refraining from breaking the contact between their bodies, he can't help thinking that this is just the beginning of a tough challenge and it's not going be easy.

"We're going be fine, aren't we?" She seeks an answer, as if she could hear his thoughts.

"Eventually. If you're up for the ride…" he tranquilizes her.

"Hell, yes," she smiles, and for a moment she feels they can work everything out if they stick together.

**ooOoo**

By the time Emily gets to Marcus' apartment, she has rung him at least ten times. Every time her calls went straight to voice mail. Once in front of his door, she spots a white envelope, with her name carefully written on the back.

_Dear Emily,_

_Meeting you was the best thing that has happened to me in a long time and I will always wonder who profited more of our time together, if me learning how to be a better man, or you learning that you deserve to be happy. If I managed to make you understand that you can be happy and that the man who loves you is right under your nose, it means I did something right out of all this mess. It also means that you just came here to tell me that you chose Derek, and believe me I wish you two all the best._

_I'm not backing off because of some twisted honor game, but because I came in the picture when your heart was already taken. In a different situation I wouldn't have let you go so easy._

_I'm doing this via letter not because I can't face you, but because if we talked, you wouldn't allow me to leave and you would poison your life with guilt and regret, whereas now there should be room just for happiness in your days._

_I hope you can live a full life and not let the fear of the future cloud the awareness of what you and Derek have._

_I will try to do that as well and, even though I will never forget you, I hope I can find the same bravery and compassion in another woman in the future._

_Maybe one day we'll even cross paths again,_

_Until then take good care._

_Yours,_

_Marcus._

"I can try to contact him, maybe he'll talk to me…" Derek offers later, as she sits on his sofa, playing with the letter Marcus left.

"No," she shakes her head, "I'm just sorry I couldn't talk to him. Say goodbye and make sure he's fine."

"I know, and I'm sorry if I forced you or him in any way…" he tries to explain as she stops him and snuggles into his arms.

"I really think we all showed the worst and the best of us. There's nothing to apologize for that we haven't come up with yet. But maybe Marcus is right, it's time to leave guilt in the past and focus on what we have."

"I couldn't ask for more," he settles as she sets herself in his arms and both slowly doze off.

**ooOoo**

_The doorknob turns without resistance under Marcus's hand. The room is in the dimness, but he can recall the expensive perfume she always wears. Everything is a question of status quo for her, a carefully planned way to display her social status._

"_You're not honoring our deal…" she welcomes him, walking out of a halo of darkness. Natalie doesn't display any anger, she never does, but he can see she isn't pleased at all. _

"_There's not much I can do anymore to help you get him back," he states the obvious, much to her annoyance._

_Her face twists in a grimace that she promptly disguises under a fake smile, "That's not the point, my dear. You've been hired to do a specific job and you failed." She remarks._

"_And here is the down payment you gave me," he hands her a check, "you can have it back. I'm out."_

"_I don't think so," she takes a step further and trashes the check._

"_Natalie, please. Stop insisting. The game is over," he tiredly tries to dissuade her._

"_The game is over when I say it is."_

"_I grew attached to her," he admits, dejectedly, "I can't do this anymore," he doesn't even wait for her reaction and he turns around, about to walk out._

"_Last time I checked she was totally falling for you as the concerned boyfriend and she wasn't at all interested in coming back to Derek," she stops him, "so you must have turned some cards to make her change her mind."_

_Marcus turns back, looking at her with a seething expression._

_She carries on, unbothered, enjoying the way she has him, "you haven't told her the truth; too big to swallow… and you're too concerned of her respect for you; you couldn't stand losing it," she exposes her theory, "my guess is that you told her we slept together; it's not a lie, even though it's way far from the complete truth. Furthermore Derek already suspected about us, so you got the perfect lie…"_

"_It's over, Natalie!" he walks back until only few inches part them, "just accept it and move on. You and Derek were never right for each other, and after the way you lied to him you'll be lucky if he even answers your calls!"_

"_So, you plan just to walk away like this? Starting over?"_

"_Exactly. And you should do it as well."_

"_Maybe I will. Or maybe, before going away, I will have a little chat with Emily and explain her how the man she spent the last months with was actually hired by me to keep her away from Derek. I guess she will be so distraught. What will it mean(s) to her fragile self consideration to discover that she's been used and manipulated and spied on another time? How will she trust another man again?"_

"_Don't you dare!" the calm man he was a second before, turns into a raging creature in a matter of seconds. _

_Marcus's hands clench around her fragile neck as a hidden instinct whispers him not to let go, to squeeze harder and harder. Natalie's eyes widen, her mouth opens uselessly a few times, gasping for air. Her face is painted with surprise at first, then fear, then her neck snaps under his fingers. Her hands, pleading and struggling for release at his arms, suddenly go numb. In an unidentifiable, yet unforgettable, second the life has left her body._

_Marcus takes a few moments to realize what happened. And yet it seems impossible…_

_He looks at his hands and then he takes a step back._

With a chocked scream Emily wakes up. It takes a few minutes to make out the profile of the room and to realize where she is.

Morgan's velvet voice takes her aback, "Hey, are you okay?"

"I just had the weirdest and most vivid dream. You wouldn't believe it…" she brushes her face as he switches on a bedside lamp and holds her in his arms.

As soon as she feels her pulse normalizing, she asks the question that is nagging her, "Did you hear from Natalie, since you two broke up?"

To say that Derek is surprised by the question it would be an understatement, "Emily, I'm not playing dirty or having second thoughts. You know that," his tone is pleading and defensive at the same time.

"No! I know," she kisses his chest, apologetically, "I didn't mean that. I mean do you know where she is now?"

"Uhm…No. I left her a couple of messages because I want her to come and pick up some stuff she left at my place, but she never answered… Why?" He starts getting really confused.

"Is it like her not to answer your calls?" Emily insists.

"We broke up in a pretty rough way, I would imagine she doesn't want to talk… Emily could you tell me what's going on, please?"

His phone ringing interrupts them, and she widens her eyes as she hears him greeting Garcia.

**ooOoo**

The smell of chocolate and the warm atmosphere welcome his tired steps from the chilly night.

As he walks toward the delicious exposition of cakes and sweets, Marcus spots Jacques who is explaining a woman the filling of the different cakes she's pointing time after time. She looks tiny and frail, and she pinches her lips every time she sets her eyes on a new piece of art. The familiar trait sends a jolt of melancholy to him; he shakes it off immediately as he exchanges a knowing look with the French man, "I would choose with no hesitation the chocolate cake," he huskily suggests to the struggling young woman.

She turns around abruptly, almost ashamed of being caught while indulging in her secret weakness; she stares at him for a second, and then her blue eyes relax and her features melt in a smile.

"I guess that chocolate is always the right answer," she giggles as a lock of her falls on her cheek.

"It is for me…" Marcus smiles.

"But there's just one slice left, and you came out in the cold for that cake especially…" she remarks, her craving for that cake sifting through her polite objection.

"Please, I insist," he smiles reassuringly.

"Okay then," she points with resolution the cake to Jacques, who has been witnessing the exchange with an amused and knowing look, "unless we share it…" she finally turns to Marcus, piercing her lip and slightly blushing at her own sudden initiative.

"That would be lovely," he agrees as he moves toward a table and starts introducing himself.

**ooOoo**

"Hi sexy, sorry to bother you," the techie starts, "but you know that alert I put on all my lovelies properties to check for intruders?"

"Penelope, it's midnight, can't this wait until tomorrow?"

"I'm sorry, Derek. I recorded a violation to one of your properties; someone trashed a window and wrote various curses against you on the door. I checked the security camera from across the street and I identified your admirer."

"And"

"Well there is a tall man always giving the shoulders to the camera, that at the beginning I mistook for you, and Natalie. They are arguing very badly.."

"What?" he sits up in the bed, bewildered.

"Then he leaves and she decorates your porch. I assume that was a hell of a break up…"

The grunt from the other side of the line prompts her to continue.

"I tried to track her down, but apparently she fled the country two hours ago. If you want I can organize a welcome committee for her at the airport of Cancun."

"No. Leave her alone. The farther the better," he resolves tiredly.

"Are you sure?" because I can…"  
>"Absolutely Pen. Thanks a lot, but I don't want to have anything to do with her anymore. Now go to sleep and say hi to Kevin," he reassures her.<p>

"What was that about?" Emily questions once he's off the phone.

"Have you got some powers I don't know about?" he smirks, softly kissing her on her forehead, "Penelope just busted Natalie vandalizing one of my properties before flying to Mexico."

"Oh, Good. Then she's alive…" she sighs out, as she rests her neck on Derek's chest.

"And I don't want to ask an explanation to this, right?" he chuckles holding her snug.

"Nope," she feigns a smile, as the image of Marcus raging eyes fills her mind.

"What about your dream?" he inquires further.

"Uhm, I dreamt of Marcus killing Natalie…." She cuts it short, not feeling like another lie.

"Freud would say you're trying to leave the past behind your back," he comments, caressing her skin.

"Freud was a very wise man, we should follow his advice," she comments smiling, resting her chin on his shoulder as slumber claims them again.

Finis

* * *

><p><em>AN: I know some of you might not like this chapter and the way I decided to end it. But for once I decided not to tell a perfect story with perfect characters. As to Emily's dream, whether it is part true or just a projection, I leave it up to your imagination to figure out. _

_I hope you enjoyed it and thanks a lot for the amazing feedback you gave me all the way so far! A special thanks to Nix1978 for all the betareading!_


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